Have We Failed?
I've chosen the easier way enough times to be a hypocrite for telling others not to. And done the opposite as well.
I wonder why we settle for less when we are constantly surrounded by the glory of human potential. Why, when we see shining examples of what is possible, do we decide that 80% is good enough? Or worse, we dress our half-assing up as the real thing? All it takes is a social media filter and its glowing feedback — or someone who lets us get away with less than our best — to influence our personal relationship with the real, physical world.
Do you want the image of achievement or to have the experience of actually trying to achieve? I believe the answer matters. I want to know who is in my orbit, what they are seeking, and what they are willing to do to remain.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how difficult it is to maintain standards once others become involved in an idea or project. It takes consistent attention and energy to keep ourselves aligned with our own ideas and standards, but we try. And then we try to help others. We can lower the rope into the well but we cannot make people grab it and pull, pull themselves upward … and if they won't bother to try then how can we raise the standards of the group, of those who we care about? Maintaining a location and setting an example is clearly not enough.
Sometimes people say they are intimidated by us, that they would never survive a workout in The Space. But we don’t care what you can do, physically. We care what’s behind it, what drives you, and what you’re willing to TRY to do. We care about the intent and commitment not the outcome. Sadly, it’s the outcome being judged that most people fear so they settle for what they can already do and call it good enough.
I keep going back to something a dear friend asked me — rhetorically — almost ten years ago, “Why do you give a fuck about people who don't give a fuck?” His point hit hard then and still does. Why do we keep offering opportunity for growth and change to others who refuse to grow or change? I guess we believe in our own guidance and in the potential we see more than they believe in themselves. Perhaps we have become complacent along with them but I like to think we have not settled for less by following the poor examples around us, and that we are good at what we do.
We constantly self-assess. We learn and practice new things. I’ve witnessed how Erin and Michael have navigated this journey; constantly seeking, questioning, testing and sharing and becoming, and overcoming. I am inspired by their intention and attention, and frustrated when — seeing all that they give — others don’t offer their own best effort or intent in return. Or worse, imagine that they are doing the same thing when they are not.
When I look in the mirror I see a man who has done much but who can and should learn and do more. Surely, age has slowed me, and dampened my hunger, but curiosity remains, alongside the belief that, as long as I'm not satisfied, I try. This makes me wonder what others see reflected back by their own mirror, and whether they are willing to address, much less confront it. What do others see and know of themselves? Self-knowledge remains paramount to me, understanding who I am, what I might do and what I can no longer do, accurately. I expect the same of others, but I've been told more than once that I am too demanding.
Human beings can't change what they can't see and without rigorous discipline the mirror only tells a pleasing tale, a fable. We are skilled enough to delude ourselves, to filter what we see, and turn up the volume on the outside noise so we may evade the voice admonishing or encouraging us from within. We hand our agency to external influence and thus lose the ability to steer our own growth. It is frustrating to watch clients deliver their agency to us by admitting they just want to be told what to do and how to live differently. Simply following directions will not transform them but perhaps crossing the threshold was the achievement they sought.
Some say that the question IS the answer but the asking on its own provides no guidance. And if mere physical work is your reply, work without mindfulness, work by rote, doing what the spreadsheet tells you, well, fuck; no progress may be made by having your former Self do 'different' work. Real, meaningful transformation ain't easy ... we can hold the hand of the Self you want to change, and steer, but we can't take the steps for you, only you can do that.
I finally see the problem: people want to be transformed without being uncomfortable. Sure, the sweat angel proves you were too warm for three or four of the eleven minutes the workout lasted but it didn't change you and only you can delude yourself into believing that it did or could. Yes, it was hard. But these short, unique confrontations with Self, even repeated, won't stimulate change unless you really want it, unless you truly practice. And submit to the pain, the mindfulness and presence. Change hurts. Voluntarily choosing the pain of growth, of letting go, walking away, forward, is more than most can accept but if you get positive feedback by appearing to do so, well, it's the same thing, right? Fake it 'til you make it, right? Fake it until the 'Likes' prove that you've made it ... dear God, what hath we wrought?
After all I have lived and done and communicated, after all of the hope and belief I have expressed, after all I have shared and offered and given, why would I continue doing so when people within the closest orbit can't even manage to meet us halfway?
